Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
