U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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