what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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