I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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