Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
