I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
