Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
