Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
