I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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