i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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