Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
