just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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