i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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