Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
