if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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