While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
