i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
