If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's the barista slut.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
