I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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