I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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