my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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