hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
