My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
