i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Houston, we have a blender
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
