Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
