There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
