My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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