I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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