im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
