oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
