so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
