Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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