it hurts more in the daytime
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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