We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
