physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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