On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
