I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
