He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
