you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my being single is dangerous.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
