I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
