My hair reeks of homosexuality.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
