can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
