My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
