just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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