you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
