first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
