Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
