the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
