one two three fourrrrnication!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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