Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
