then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
