he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
