You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
