dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bring me that man meat
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
