mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
