Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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